Had dinner at Delfina's the other night. On the way home, noticed this parking sign on a nearby garage:

DO NOT PARK HERE

THE WRATH OF THE ANCIENTS WILL FALL UPON
YOUR HEAD.  YOUR SHOELACES WILL NOT STAY TIED.
RABID SQUIRRELS WILL INVADE YOUR HOME.
FOOD IN YOUR REFRIGERATOR WILL MYSTERIOUSLY
SPOIL.  YOUR VEHICLE WILL START MAKING
THAT EXPENSIVE KNOCKING SOUND AGAIN AND
NO-ONE WILL TALK TO YOU AT PARTIES.

It gets a half-point penalty for hyphenating 'no one' but this is otherwise fairly brilliant.

YOU WILL ALSO SERIOUSLY PISS OFF THE B*TCH WHO PAYS GOOD MONEY FOR THIS GARAGE AND NOBODY WANTS THAT.